


Operation: Mistletoe

by 9foxgrl



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M, matchmaking disaster, rvbsecretsanta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-27 16:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17165057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/9foxgrl/pseuds/9foxgrl
Summary: Donut refuses to wait another season for his ship to sail. But not all is why it seems.A Red vs Blue Secret Santa gift for bamfwashington.





	Operation: Mistletoe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bamfwashington](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=bamfwashington).



> MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

“Carolina and gentlemen! Today is the day! It’s has been going on for fifteen seasons and I will not allow it to go any longer!” Donut announced dramatically as he slammed his palms down on the kitchen table, making the remaining soldiers who were assembled around the homemade board game jump. 

“Whacha talking about Donut?” Sarge asked.

“Those two!” Donut hissed as he pointed out the window where Simmons and Grif were sprawled out under a tree. “I’m sick and tired of them always dancing around each other!”

“Finally, someone else agrees with me!” Tucker shouted.

“You mean they’re not already married?” Locus asked dumbfoundedly.

“I was surprised too,” Carolina replied tensely as she rolled a three and then drew two cards from the blue deck. “I thought they were at least dating until Wash told me otherwise.”

“Then why not just get them together?”

“If only it was that easy son,” Sarge grumbled.

“They’re already married, Griff said they got married after they first met.” Caboose replied happily as he rolled a six, laid down a queen card and took Tucker’s bishop. “Tucker owes two candy canes.”

“Dammit.” Tucker cursed as he tossed the candy into Caboose’s growing pile. “Why can’t we play Life™?”

“Because the last time we played Life™ Sarge tried to shoot Locus, Doc had a mid-life crisis, Carolina drank an entire bottle of gin and Lopez adopted Stabby the Roomba,” Wash commented as he rolled a three. He scowled and handed a chocolate Santa to Carolina.

“It wasn’t gin, it was whiskey.” Carolina retorted. “And it was already less than a half bottle by the time I got my hands on it.”

“Shut up sluts! This Christmas we’re going with Operation: Mistletoe!”

* * *

 

(A Few Hours Later)

Donut’s impromptu Christmas party made the living room look like someone had thrown up tinsel and lights all over the place.

Donut had rallied Kai and Doc into the plan and not too subtly kept trying to corral Simmons and Grif into the target zones.

So far, however, all attempts to trap the not couple under the mistletoe was failing, including Locus and Carolina’s attempts with their stealth units.

“Guys, not that we don’t like hanging out with you-but why are you so clingy today?” Grif asked after Kai’s latest attempt to shove Simmons into his arms sent the redhead flying into a punch bowl. Said redhead was currently in the bathroom cleaning up.

“You guys are assholes!” Tucker snapped. “How long are you going to keep this up?”

“Keep what up?”

“Grif, I know yer a good for nuthin orange belly bastard-but when are you going to make an honest man outta Simmons?”

Grif blinked a few times before intelligently replying with; “Huh?”

“FIFTEEN SEASONS! FIFTEEN SEASONS OF WILL THEY WON’T THEY? DO YOU KNOW HOW INVESTED I’VE BECOME IN MAKING ‘GRIMMONS’ CANON?” Donut screeched. “IT’S TAKING UP MY TIME FROM ‘TUCKINGTON’!”

“Yeah-wait what?” Grif started laughing. “You guys did all this because you thought you could make ‘Grimmons’ canon?”

“YES!”

“I tried to tell them Griff, but they wouldn’t listen.” Caboose whispered.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake-JUST KISS ALREADY!” Carolina screamed.

Grif looked at her defiantly and then with a mischievous smirk he grabbed Simmons as he walked back into the room and swooped him down into a dip and kissed him hard while simultaneously flipping off their stalkers.

Tucker wolf whistled and Kai was jumping up and down screaming and crying. Doc and Donut were holding each other sobbing. Carolina made a horrible attempt to hide her smile and Caboose and Sarge were shooting guns into the air and Wash just smirked and Locus snapped a photo.

“GRIF!”

“What? Can’t a guy kiss his husband of fifteen seasons under the mistletoe?” Grif asked cheekily as Simmons sputtered indignantly.

There was a deafening pause, and then all Hell broke loose as Donut released a scream worthy of Godzilla.

 **Bonus** : Epilogue The next morning the Reds and Blues were sitting in the kitchen sipping coffee and staring at the shamble that was once the living room.

Simmons and Grif were helping Carolina and Kai make breakfast when Sarge walked in wearing a bright red sweater with the words ‘No. 1 Grandpa’ stitched across the front in white letters in misshapen letters.

“I wasn’t aware you had grandchildren.” Locus stated.

“I don’t-not yet anyway,” Sarge replied as he poured himself some coffee. “Heard they’ve finally perfected womb transplants in men, so the future is bright.”

Everyone fought back a snicker as Simmons and Grif stiffened up and looked the man fearfully.


End file.
